At the end of May during a Practical Theology class at Hiawatha, one of the teachers mentioned that both marriage and singleness are gifts from God. This sparked questions from some of the singles in the room as to how this could be.
This post is a response to those questions. We’re going to go to 1 Corinthians 7, where Paul talks extensively about marriage and singleness, and look at three aspects of the gift of singleness and then one more aspect not in the passage. Whether you’re married or single, may your reading of this be encouraging, instructive, and may it point you always to the author of both marriage and singleness – the living, loving God and his Son Jesus Christ, with whom we have the ultimate and eternal relationship.
Scripture says in 1 Corinthians 7:1-8 that singleness is a gift from God, and so it is. We so often have a strong desire or self-perceived need to understand the reasons and workings behind the things God says and does. Although it is not wrong to desire to understand God, his judgments, and his ways when we make understanding the criteria for belief and obedience it becomes wrong. God does not call us to understand all he does but to trust him, to believe in Jesus and his work on the cross. This is important to touch on because, in practice, singleness does not always feel or seem like a gift. This can lead us to place our own experience, understanding, and desires above God’s design and working, which ultimately will lead us poorly. We make very poor gods. Don’t forget James 1 where James makes it clear that God only gives good gifts, and that all good gifts are from him. With God’s gift-giving there is no deception, no lack of quality. In this, God makes it very clear that singleness is a gift, that it is good and is from him, that there is no deception or lack of quality to singleness, and that his word and design supersedes our experience and perspective.
Although marriage brings with it many benefits and joys, it also brings with it troubles that singles don’t face. One gift of singleness is being spared those troubles (1 Corinthians 7:28). The troubles that come with marriage are many and varied. A few examples are: financial troubles (although married couples may add money due to two incomes, they also take on each other’s debts; also if children are added to the picture that’s more people to feed, more illnesses and injuries that can occur, more doctor’s bills, more clothes and other things to buy, etc.), relational troubles (although all relationships experience conflict, there’s heightened intensity and repercussions to conflict with your spouse; when you live with the person you’re fighting with, daily sharing space, the day-to-day of life, a bedroom, your body, your mind and your heart with them the consequences of conflict become more far-reaching and potentially devastating. Also, the fact that you can’t just healthily ignore them for extended periods of time as you sometimes can with co-workers, friends, and other family can further heighten the intensity and increase the difficulty of resolving the troubles), and also more specific troubles (including sex life troubles, in-law troubles, scheduling troubles, conflicting short and/or long-term visions and goals troubles, different ideas regarding parenting troubles, just to name a few). In this vein, Pastor Chris once mentioned in a sermon on singleness that if he never married he would never have suffered through two miscarriages with his wife Aletha, one of the darkest things he (and she) ever had to experience. If you want more examples of troubles that married couples face that singles don’t, just ask a married person that you know well and are close to for some examples.
Singleness frees a person from the anxiety that comes with focusing on how to please their spouse (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). It also allows a person to have undivided devotion to the Lord to a degree that is not possible when married. Paul says that the unmarried man or woman is “anxious” about (or concerned about, or focused on) the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord and how to be holy in body and spirit; the married man or woman is anxious about how to please their spouse, and their interests are divided. When married, you cannot fully focus all your attention on the Lord without neglecting your spouse. This doesn’t mean that people who are married can’t be devoted to the Lord, but it means that some of the time, energy, and activity that would be put towards God has to be put towards spouse instead. How a married person spends their time, money, resources, gifts, and abilities are partially dictated by the marriage, while a single person can have those things fully dictated by the Lord. It’s important to note that the reason those things are partially dictated by the marriage and spouse in marriage is that it is God’s design. It is good, God-glorifying, and gospel-reflecting for a married man or woman to consider their spouse and marriage in their actions, use of resources, plans, and decisions.
One more aspect of the gift of singleness that is not directly in the passage (although it fits under aspect three) but is spoken of by almost all married people is the incredible amount of time and time freedom that singles have. If you are reading this as a single person, you have so much more free time than you think you have. Ask any married person without kids, and they’ll tell be able to tell you how they don’t have as much free time as they used to. Ask any married person with kids, and they’ll tell you how much less free time they have than those married without kids. If you are single, God has gifted you with large amounts of free time (compared to married people). How are you using it for the glory of God and the edification of the church?
I’ll close with two final things, one for married and one for singles. To those who are married, do not be discouraged by this post. Rejoice! Marriage is also a great gift from God (per 1 Corinthians 7:1-7). It is not sin. It is not a bad choice. If you are married, do not seek to end your marriage, do not worry about the choice you made to get married. Marriage is created by God and brings him glory because it reflects the gospel, and so it is to be “held in honor among all in the church” (Hebrews 13:4).
To those who are single, you have been given a great gift from God. Singleness is not just a holding pattern while waiting for a spouse to come along. It is given by God. It is good. It is created by God and brings him glory. It reflects the sufficiency of the gospel. It is also not wrong for you as a single to desire, pray for, and pursue marriage. If you want to be married, great! Scripture informs us that many who are single will eventually be married. Just don’t squander your singleness while waiting for marriage. Singleness brings with it gifts that are lost when marriage comes. Be devoted to the Lord, not to singleness or marriage. To singles who don’t desire marriage, that too is a gift from God. Be open to God bringing you a spouse in the future, but don’t worry about your lack of desire to pursue marriage. Be devoted to the Lord, not to singleness or marriage.
For all reading this, whether married or single, know this is written for your benefit, not to lay a restraint upon you. To paraphrase Colossians 3:17, whatever you do, in singleness or marriage, do it all to the glory of God! All praise to Jesus Christ! Through his death for our sins and resurrection from the grave he gives us a love greater than any spouse, gives new and great richness and depth to marriage, and gives us sustaining satisfaction in singleness.
JESSE SPLAN / LAY PASTOR